An interesting question has been asked:

Do we give respect to others when they do not respect us?

If we are to go plough through self-help books in the bookstore, check the internet for answers or consult any mature individuals, the answer will be yes.

However, we sometimes find it hard to say yes because of our primal instincts. Primal instincts are responses that are in us ever since we are born. Most animals have it in them too. This is a instinct that ensures the survival of the species, and hence both animals and humans are equipped with them. However, as humans, we have a higher level of intelligence that some call “higher consciousness”. While primal instincts say “no” to the above question, our higher level of intelligence (which is absent in animals) says “yes”.

Let us examine primal instincts first and ask ourselves why the answer to the abovementioned question is no when we allow primal instincts to have control over us. Look at the wolves. When they are not attacking others, they are often attacked. As a result, they developed a form of retaliatory defense mechanism. This means that what others do to them, they will return the favour. And this is how they survive. And it’s important to note that humans in the early ages are primates as well. And hence we are similarly equipped with such primal instincts, without which we can’t survive. We have to hunt for food and defend ourselves if we get attacked. At this point in time, most early humans either do not know what respect is or simply choose to ignore it as respect at this point in time can be detrimental to their survival. 

However, as the years go by, the intellectual level of humans increase and the importance of group work and alliances began to show results. With this trend appears the need to embrace the value of respect. At this point in time, the response is still reciprocal, which means that humans still give respect only to others who give them respect. This is because the ego of humans still gets in the way. Hence, when others fail to give their respect, conflicts and sometimes war result. We can observe this phenomenon till this day. Just check any media news update and you will see for yourself.

However, if we were to examine the causes of the conflicts, we will realise that everything begins from one’s ego (defined as “An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit” by dictionary.com). One is arrogant because of one’s ego. One is offended easily because of one’s ego. One wants to own everything in the world because of one’s ego. If we were to look at all the conflicts in the world, it always comes down to one’s ego. Nothing more, nothing less.

And if we are to examine the abovementioned question, it is not difficult to foresee the consequences of saying “no”. Conflicts will result. It is only when we say “yes” will the situation improve. In the short-run, it seems that we are at a disadvantage when we are respectful to others while they are being disrespectful to us. Nevertheless, this is the way that respect is earned. And it is only when we win the respect of others can we expect ourselves to be respected. Hence, saying “yes” to the abovementioned question is and may be the only route to a peaceful resolution. In the same way that kindness begets kindness, respect begets respect.

However, saying “yes” to the abovementioned statement is easier said than done. Our primal instincts will always seek to control our thoughts and behaviour. And there is only one way we can resolve this, which is through the use of our higher level of intelligence. There are many actions that we can choose but the most important action or response is forgiveness.  And to forgive others, we need to realise that other individuals are like us with their occasional temperaments and frustration. Don’t we all show our temper and get angry at time? Once we realise this fact, it will be easy not only to forgive but to empathise the other party because we realise that they are just like us. Therefore, only when we say “yes” to the abovementioned question and forgive others can a peaceful resolution be reached. However, this requires that we make use of our higher level of intelligence, something that is absent in animals.

Once we choose our higher level of intelligence (which is also seen as a form of control mechanism) over our primal instincts, we will be able to respect others regardless of how they treat us.  

And we should start practising from today.