It is important that we have a strong sense of self in life. This is because when we achieve this, our self-esteem will improve and our confidence level will rise. However, the question in this case is not often the “why” but the “how”. Some of us tend to look externally to find the solutions. And these are some of the things that people do to make themselves feel good:

•  Acquisition of things: Some individuals do this to satisfy their intent to possess. At the same time, it gives them a sense of satisfaction that they have more things than their peers. However, such an act is usually short-lived and soon, they will realise that they will have to keep on doing it to maintain their self-esteem. Over time, they will be caught in an unhealthy vicious cycle.
• Dress to stand out: It is all right for individuals to dress well in order to feel good. After all, first impressions count. And sometimes, your sense of self is affected by the way you dress and look. However, if an individual’s confidence is entirely tied to his or her dressing, then it will not be healthy. We should understand the fact that we have complete control over our clothes and we should not allow our clothes to control us.
• Flaunt one’s strengths: While it’s good at times to let others know about your strengths, we should not boast about it. Some individuals do that so as to boost their self-esteem. There are  several reasons why we should not do this. Firstly, by doing so, we will become arrogant over time. Secondly, if one keeps on bragging about his or her strengths, this will put others on the defensive and it will be a matter of time before someone comes forward to prove him or her wrong. When this happens, the confidence level and self-esteem of the person who boasts will plunge even further.

So what can we do to increase our self-esteem while avoiding the abovementioned pitfalls? The solution lies within us. To draw out our strengths as individuals, do answer the following questions:

•  What are your strengths and abilities? List them.
•  Have you achieved anything that is memorable and is meaningful to you? List your  experiences in detail.
• Have your friends complimented you in the past? Can you remember the key words or the gist of what they have said? Write them down.
• Do you have a dream that you wish to realise? What is that? Write them down. All of us need a purpose to work towards to in life and this is what motivates us intrinsically. So, it is important that we have a purpose in life.
• Sometimes, the negative aspects of ourselves tend to nag at us, and this will impede our progress at feeling positive about ourselves. Therefore, it is important to note that there are often positive aspects to anything. Take for example, someone who is talkative. While the term “talkative” is often viewed negatively, talkative people are often the ones who are able to engage a substantial number of people in conversation at the same time (while dominating the conversation at times, unfortunately). They are also the ones who might be the individuals who network with the various members of the group. And when it comes to someone who is introverted or shy, his or her thoughts might simply be directed inwards, which means that they are processing thoughts within themselves. It’s not that they are not sociable, it’s just that they do not express their thoughts in words.

Constantly review what you have written based on the list of questions above. It can be on a daily or weekly basis. The important thing is that you read your responses often enough. Continue to add on to the list of questions above if you can. Any question that enables you to feel positively about yourself is a good question.

All of us should be aware of the fact that each of us is unique and special in our own way and there will not be another individual who is entirely like you. Even twins differ in some ways. Therefore, love yourself for who you are, as there will never be another you.